Last night we studied 2 Timothy 2 and thought together about the allegiance that we are called to as a soldier of the Lord. Here we have Major Sullivan Ballou, (2nd Rhode Island Volunteers), as he expresses his commitment to God’s will and call over all else! .
Ballou married Sarah Hunt Shumway on October 15, 1855. They had two sons, Edgar and William. In his letter to his wife (below), Ballou attempted to crystallize the emotions he was feeling: worry, fear, guilt, sadness and, most importantly, the pull between his love for her and his sense of duty to his country formed by God’s sovereign call upon him.
July 14,1861
Camp Clark, Washington DC
Dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days – perhaps tomorrow. And lest I should not be able to write you again I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I am no more.
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing – perfectly willing – to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this government, and to pay that debt.
Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but omnipotence can break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly with all those chains to the battlefield. The memory of all the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you come crowding over me, and I feel most deeply grateful to God and you, that I have enjoyed them for so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes and future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and see our boys grown up to honorable manhood around us.
If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, nor that when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name…
Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been!…
But, oh Sarah, if the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with you, in the brightest day and in the darkest night… always, always. And when the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath, or the cool air your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.
Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again…
Sincerely,
Major Sullivan Ballou
http://jayandmolly.com/ballouletter.shtml
Ravi Zacharias commenting on this letter says at the end of his A Soldiers Letter presentation: “(Ballou) died one week later at the battle of Bull Run. Think of the beauty of that letter. All the loves converging in the young heart but only the power of omnipotence could give him the dictates of what he was willing to become and do.”